How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
