i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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