In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
