I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
