Swine flu. Run for my life!
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
