I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
