I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
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