Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
