another moral hangover. fuck.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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