If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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