The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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