I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
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