Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Randomize
