theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
