So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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