I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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