tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize