rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
