She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
