He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize