maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
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