Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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