The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
