That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
