Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
