He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize