Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
