my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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