Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
