haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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