I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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