the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize