i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize