I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
