i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize