my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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