Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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