Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
and she was petting her beer can
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
