6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize
