Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize