marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
