i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
