I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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