Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
