FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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