man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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