We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
