I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
