I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
