billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
