I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You can't just leave with hair like that
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
