he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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