so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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