Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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