i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
