My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
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