ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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