if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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