you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
