I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
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