Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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