i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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