if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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