oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
one might say we're banned from that church
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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