i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
