How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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