i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
