Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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